I don’t like it when I start using my weblog as a place to whine about how I feel when I feel a little bit icky. It seems like whenever I can’t sleep I feel the need to bitch here.

To make up for it, a bit of happy news. While the cable modem is probably going back tomorrow (it should have gone back Saturday since that was when the two months free period ran out, but I couldn’t bear to let it go) I won’t be without high speed internet very long. We got an offer for six months of ADSL for the same price as dial up from the company we currently get dial up from. We just have to pay five dollars extra for the modem rental. We can afford five dollars!

We have an appointment for them to come set it up on the sixth.

Yay for high speed internet!

I hope something else comes along in six months… but even if it doesn’t, I’m glad I don’t have to go back to dial up quite yet.

Six in the morning again, and I can’t sleep.

I hate this.

I don’t feel right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. but I don’t feel right. Maybe I’m getting sick. But I don’t feel sick - just wrong.

I’m thirsty. I had about a zillion glasses of water yesterday. Way more than usual. Yet my skin feels so dry it’s cracking and I feel like I haven’t had a drop in a week.

My head feels like it’s full of cotton. Rather achy cotton, at that. I didn’t feel this way before I went to bed at three. It didn’t take me too long to fall asleep, but when I woke a short time later I felt terrible. I finally got up fifteen minutes ago or so to have a bit to eat. I hope that food helps.

This really sucks.

Oh, but before I go to bed, I just have to write about the wonderful french toast I made Saturday.

It was vegan. No eggs, no dairy. I found the recipe in the PETA cookbook. I didn’t expect much from it.. but since I happened to have some soymilk I thought that I might as well try it. It was good! Really good!

Even without maple syrup or anything it was really good. With maple syrup I could not tell the difference between it and normal french toast.

Yay! Guilt free french toast for me!

I’ve been avoiding posting here because I didn’t want to mention how far behind I am on Nano. I’m far behind. That’s all I am going to say.

It’s snowing! Or it was snowing, anyway. There is snow on the ground.

I have a lot to write about for once. But it is late. Almost four in the morning. I’m going to bed now, but perhaps I will do a journal entry tomorrow.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I went to bed at 4:00, but M. woke up when I came in and we talked for a while and then there might have been some other stuff going on… After that M. went back to sleep but I couldn’t. Finally I got up around 7:00 to read the wildfeed summary of the next Angel episode (what, you expect me to wait all the way ’till Thursday to watch it.. no way.. I must know what happens.. If I still lived in the states and could watch it on Mondays I would stay away from the wildfeed summarys).

First I went to one of the Buffy boards I spend a lot of time on. I hadn’t been near any news sites yet.. had no plans to read the news, but there, the first post of two on the board (they’d just had to rebuilt the entire board after it crashed so it was nearly empty) “plane crashes in New York.”

Not again. Not when my parents are flying up here in just a week and a half. Not in New York.

There’s no connection to terrorism yet.. it was probably just a mechanical error, not done on purpose. But somehow I doubt that makes it any easier for the people who have lost. Somehow I doubt that makes it any easier for people to get over their fear of flying and hop on a plane.

I finally dried my tears and went back to bed before eight this morning. Fell asleep and slept in ’till three.

I don’t like this. Nothing I say matters or makes any difference or is capable of showing my feelings, so I might as well stick with the simple words. I don’t like this.

Oh fuck.

For many years “For Better or For Worse” has been my favorite comic strip. They characters seem so real. Like family. I grew up with them - with Elizabeth anyway, she’s only a little younger. Micheal is only a few years older, but I feel closer to Elizabeth.

I remember wishing that I had a baby sister when April was born. I remember feeling bad for Elizabeth when she had to wear that thing in her mouth to keep her from sucking on her thumb. I hurt when Farley died, but I wouldn’t love the strip nearly so much if time didn’t pass in it as it does in our world. I’m glad he got such a heroic ending.

I was sad when grandma died. I laughed when grandpa announced that he had a new lady in his life and his kids were all worried but the “new lady” he was talking about turned out to be a dog. I was glad when he moved from Vancouver to live with them.

Now, Micheal and I have gotten married just a month or so apart. I feel terrible for Elizabeth because I think that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Even if he isn’t, he is an ass.

Then today’s strip… today’s strip made my eyes all watery.

Friday Five

Answer the following five questions in your own weblog (make sure you leave a comment here with a link to your post!) or just leave your answers in this post’s comments section:

And it is time again for the Friday Five.

1. What toothpaste do you use?

Right now I have Crest because my husband bought it. Usually I prefer Tom’s of Maine - the all natural toothpaste.

2. What color/brand is your toothbrush?

Translucent purple Oral-B

3. Do you use mouthwash?

Too much information coming up.. my two lower wisom teeth (I only have one upper and it is tiney) are halfway covered by my gums. Little bits of food and stuff gets stuck under them and irritates the gum and could cause cavities on my wisdom teeth. My dentist gave me this little squirty thing that I can fill with mouthwash and squirt under the flaps of gum to clean it out. So yes, I use mouthwash, but not in the normal way. I brush a lot, so I don’t really need it otherwise.

4. What gum/breath mints/breath spray do you use?

I like trident or aquafresh gum occasionally, but I don’t normally use any of that stuff. I used to eat a lot of tic tacs but had to stop myself because I ate them as candy instead of for my breath. I’d buy a box and then eat the entire thing. My favorite flavor was the orange kind which I don’t think actually do anything for breath.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?

Um… I hate to admit it but I haven’t sent out thank you cards for wedding gifts yet. Bad me! I really need to do that this weekend.

Oh, I am pissed.

We voted of it twice and now Attorney General Ashcroft has swept in from above and overturned Oregon’s assisted suicide law.

Of course, if this had been some other law that I did not support, I would be all in favor of Ashcroft swooping in from above. But what right has he to proclaim that a person dying in great pain can’t take off a month or two early and avoid some of that terrible pain or leave while they still have at least some dignity. The choice should be the individual’s, not Ashcroft’s. And yet he presumes to choose for all of them by making it more difficult to do.

Repiblicans claim they believe in freedom and want less government because a large government infringes on personal freedom. Yet they are the ones who step in and force peoples actions in the most personal of choicecs.

Oops. It is 12:17 on Saturday and I just finished finally reached 2000 words for Friday (2030, to be exact). This means that I was not at 2000 at midnight. The second day of writing and I missed my goal. I didn’t start writing until around eleven tonight.. but I thougth that I could make it. I was above 1667 words at midnight, the average daily amount to reach 50,000 at the end of the month.

I’m thinking of doubling my minimum words.. it really wouldn’t be that hard to do if I could just get motivated to start a little earlier. That would put me above a hundred thousand at the end of the month. haven’t decided yet.. still thinking.

You know, it’s kind of hard to write a really happy scene of fun between friends when you are listening to horribly depressing music.

I still consider it to be Thursday night since I haven’t gone to bed yet, but the rest of the world (well, USA times zones at least) consider it to be Friday monring. Which, I suppose, technically it is.

So here is my response to the Friday Five.

Friday Five

1. Do you eat breakfast? What did you have today?

These days I am rarely up at an hour such that what I ate upon rising could be called breakfast. I never used to eat breakfast… but the past few years I’ve find that if I don’t eat pretty soon after I get up I start feeling sick to my stomach.

2. What beverages do you usually have in a typical day?

Water. Lots and lots of water. I try to drink a gallon a day, though some days I don’t have any. Most days I have at least three very large glasses. I also usally have at least one cup of tea a day… and sometimes a hot chocolate. Occasionally I will have a bit of ginger ale or coke, but I don’t usually drink soda. I used to drink a lot of orange juice.. but these days it seems like I have forgotten it exists. Whenever I think of it I want some, but I rarely think of it.

3. White bread or wheat bread?

Wheat. Always wheat. I was raised on wheat and really can’t stand white. Multigrain is pretty yummy.. so is rhye on occasion.. 99 days out of a hundred I stick to wheat.

4. What’s your favorite kind (potato/tortilla/corn) and flavor of chip?

Nacho cheese doritos. Lately though I have been eating way too many pringles. The only chips I can eat without feeling guilt are low fat tortilla chips, so I eat a lot of those, then try to drink extra water to make up for some of the salt.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?

Working on my novel for nanowrimo and sewing on my quilt.

Ordering myself to bed now. Must change sleeping habits.

How corny is this? I was a bit confused about where an episode of M*A*S*H I watched last night fit into the series so I found an episode guide to look it up in. After finding the source of my confusion I scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the page to read the summary of the very last episode. I can’t remember if I have seen it or not.. but just reading about it started me crying.

It didn’t happen. Yesteryday, when I wrote at 12:01 in the morning that I was going to start writing, I opened a new document to contain my novel but didn’t enter a single word into it. I meant too.. but I got involved reading a newsgroup I subsribe to … and then I was doing some other stuff online.. and then M. got home from playing hockey.. and finally I was too tired to write and went to bed.

I did much better Yesterday (I really still think of it as today since I haven’t gone to bed yet) afternoon. My total for the day was 2639 words. I need 1667 words a day to make it to fifty thousand by the end of the month, so my first day puts me ahead. Good.

Last night I clicked through my bookmarks reading from a few of my favorite journals at random. I was happy to note that Thought Experiment had been updated, but my computer froze while I was clicking on the link to the entry and so I turned it off and went to bed.

Today I went back to read it and found this. Great sadness abounds. I hope that it is just a pause.

12:01 A.M. November 1 and I begin to write.