Congratulations to Jan of My Life in 12 Point Font! She’s given birth to in incredibly cute baby boy.

Okay, I’m obsessed to the point of needing a twelve step program. I admit it.

Anyway, Leora posted this the Buffy Cross & Stake Spoiler Board and I am putting it here just so that I will know where to find it when I want to use it in future arguments on that board.

The Paley Festival, March 30, 2001

Audience Member: “I’d like to know what your definition of a soul is? And what distinguishes Angel from the other vampires, because it becomes clear from both Buffy and Angel that vampires have human emotions and human attachments. So is that a conscience? And then what separates vampires from humans if it is a conscience?”

JW: “Um, very little. (laugh) Essentially, souls are by their nature amorphous but to me it’s really about what star you are guided by. Most people, we hope, are guided by, ‘you should be good, you’re good, you feel good.’ And most demons are guided simply by the opposite star. They believe in evil, they believe in causing it, they like it. They believe it in the way that people believe in good. So they can love someone, they can attach to someone, they can actually want to do things that will make that person happy in the way they know they would. The way Spike has sort of become, an example is Spike obviously on Buffy, is getting more and more completely conflicted. But basically his natural bent is towards doing the wrong thing. His court’s creating chaos where as in most humans, most humans, is the opposite, and that’s really how I see it. I believe it’s kind of like a spectrum, but they are setting their course by opposite directions. But they’re all sort of somewhere in the middle.”

As soon as I read that I had to go Bingo!…Joss is a sneaky guy.

I’ve gone through a huge bottle of 350 extra strength Tums in less than three months. There is something not right about that. I’ve also been through two bottles of Pepto Bismol, many many many liters of ginger ale, and a box of tea that is supposed to be good for the stomach (and it is, tastes terrible though).

I hate my stomach. Anyone want to trade?

EEEE! According to this test I am in fact insane.

I bet that you are too

Hmm. Just hmmm.

Find out which Buffy villian you are most like!
By

M. called Canadian Immigration for me today just to check and see if we have the right client number. In doing so he discovered that my application for a work visa has been approved. Yay me! The paperwork should be here soon and then I can start looking for a job. Of course, that’s going to suck quite a bit. The economy around here is terrible and jobs are hard to come by.

I really need to read Margaret Atwoods The Handmaid’s Tale. I’ve come across so many references to it lately, so many places where perhaps I would have had a better understanding of what was being said if I had read the book.

I had a chance to see the play performed once when a group at my university was putting it on. I passed it up. Foolish of me.

Funny. I’ve written three short stories in the past three days and with each I found myself writing the ending first. I guess I haven’t written that many short stories to know how it works for me, but usually when I write longer things I always start at the beginning. I may skip around a bit once the beginning has been written, but I always start at the beginning.

Perhaps I have learned something new about myself. It seems to be working pretty well.

Oh my God. You have to read this. I feel bad for that poor kitty, but since he was okay in the end the story is hillarious.

M. is a pretty easy man to keep happy.

Pancakes at two in the morning will do it

And so today I learned another lesson in how things aren’t always as they seem.

I was watching the Discovery channel and getting all upset because an adult crocodile was eating baby crocs. Except it turned out that she wasn’t eating baby crocs but gathering up her own young in her mouth to cary to the water. Much relief there.

Later, of course as always happens with these shows, I had to run upstairs to when they started showing crocodiles catching antelope.

There’s a reason I never considered making documenteries of carnavores for a living. I’d always be saving the prey then feeling guilty about depriving the carnavore of a meal. Can’t win either way.

More of my opinions on the term “slut” as posted on Buffy Cross & Stake.

slut (slt)

n.

1.

a. A woman considered sexually promiscuous.

b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

(source dictionary.com.)

Nothing wrong with the behavior described by the term “slut,” though it can be dangerous what with all the diseases and stuff out there today.

It’s the word itself that I object to. It’s a pejorative; to use it implies that there is something wrong with the behavior. The conotation is negative, to use such a word not only says that Buffy is sleeping around (which she actually isn’t) but also says that she is bad or dirty for doing such a thing.

Perhaps the way you use it there is nothing wrong with it since you don’t intend to imply the dirty/bad part of it. But your definition doesn’t match the way that most of our society defines it, and so most people will take it with the negative conotation you don’t intend.

I’d be perfectly happy to drop the word from our vocabulary entirely. Why do we need such a term anyway? A woman’s sexuality is her own business.

(a worse definition than the one above also came up in dictionary.com -

slut n 1: a dirty untidy woman [syn: slattern, slovenly woman] 2: a woman adulterer

)

I can’t believe how much I have been posting about Buffy in here. It’s like she is taking over my blog. This post, however, while coming as a result of a Buffy board is about women, not Buffy.

Someone posted a joke about changing the name of the show to “slutty the vampire layer” on one of the boards I read. People took offense. She/he defended himself/herself by stating that it was just a joke. I’m putting my response here because it is one that I really want people to read.

I personally don’t find calling a woman a slut for having a little bit of sex to be at all funny. I’m sure that you just meant it as a joke, but using a pejorative like “slut” implies that you think badly of Buffy and women who behave like her (have sex with more than one man in her life). Since I am sure that most of the women Buffy’s age and older have probably had a similar number of partners (or more) it is an insult to all of us. Even if Buffy was sleeping around and behaving in a manner fitting the term “slut,” it’s still no reason to imply that she is a bad person for it (which the use of the term “slut” does). Say that she is behaving dangerously and not a good example for the viewers what with all the diseses and stuff out there today, sure. But don’t condem a woman, even a fictional one, for her sexuality.

M. can be so fricken inconsiderate sometimes.

It’s not his fault that his parents call at nine in the morning when we were up ’till four the night before. And if he wants to talk get up and talk to them, that is fine. But to lie there in bed and talk to them for half an hour while I am lying next to him trying desperatly to go back to sleep?

I’m not going to tell him off or tell him to go downstairs while his parents are on the phone and could hear me. But I got mad at him for it last time he did this and the time before. Even if I had never told him anything, isn’t it pretty obvious that if the person lying next to you is trying to sleep that you should go somewhere else to have a long conversation?

I just realised that I never did get around to creating the template for the archives of this blog. They look terrible! Oh well, not going to do anything about it at the moment. Soon, though. Promise.

Another post (same topics as last time) that I made on Buffy Cross & Stake

So, I agonised all day over whether I would watch it or not and finally decided to watch the Body. It didn’t affect me as badly as I was afraid it would, thank goodness. I cried and cried, but didn’t feel sick to my stomach (when I’m really upset I get sick.. happened a couple of times the first time I watched “The Body”). I guess it helps havign seen it before and being prepared for what I am going to see.

I remembered that it was good.. but I had forgotten exactly how good. I don’t think that I realised before that there is no background music - none at all. It makes it harsh somehow.. like they are not trying to cover any of the horror of death.. not trying to dramatize it, just showing it how it is. And wow is everyone in it good actors.

So. I cried all the way through. I cried especially hard at the scenes that I expected to cry at and at a few that I had forgotten about.

Of course, at the beginning when Buffy finds her.

When the paramdeics say that Joyce is dead.

When Giles hugs Buffy.

When Buffy tells Dawn.

When Willow freaks out over clothes.

When Tara comforts her.

When Anya breaks down because she doesn’t understand.

When Xander puts his hand through the wall (actually, that was a little funny).

When Buffy says “I haven’t done this

This is a post I made in a Buffy forum yesterday. Copying it here because I am amazed about how strongly one TV show makes me feel.

There have been some truly heartbreaking moments in Buffy. Buffy sending Angel to Hell, Angel leaving at the end of “Graduation,” Jenny Calendar’s death in “Passion”(wow did I cry), Buffy’s “I’m sixteen and I don’t want to die,” and Buffy jumping and everyone’s reactions in “The Gift.”

The episode with the April-bot was on Space Network tonight (”I was Made to Love You,” might have been the title, can’t remember for sure). I knew it was coming, but still, the ending with Buffy’s “mommy?” hurt. Now I am having serious doubts as to whether or not to watch “The Body” tomorrow. I love that episode.. it’s one of my favorites.. but I’m just not sure I can watch it again.

I can’t think of anything on TV that has affected me that way before. There have been a few movies that I loved but were just so heartbreaking I couldn’t watch them again, but before this never anythign on TV. I watched “The Body” twice on the night it was originally aired and cried and cried. Now I want to watch it again, but I kind of feel dread every time I think of it. Haven’t decided yet if I am going to or not.

I was just wondering if I am the only one or if other people feel the same way?

And does everyone agree with me that this was probably the best major character death dealing with episode in the history of telivision? I guess I don’t watch that much TV, but I can’t rememebr anything like it.

Also - partial poll. Are there any other moments/episodes of Buffy that hurt so much that no matter how good they are you are not sure if you ever want to see them again?

The questions at the end are meant for the people of the forum. However, if you feel like sharing (and know what I am talking about) I would love to here from you. persephone@iotoeuropa.org.

Still haven’t decided if I am going to watch it or not. Four and a half hours left to decide.

Last night I dreamt that I was talking to my grandmother on the phone and she asked when we were going to have a baby because she wanted to meet her great grandchild before she died. In the dream we were torn because it would be really irresponsible to have a child while we are this poor but we so wanted to…

It’s something I worry about in real life. I don’t think that Grandma cares, but I really wanted her to get to meet her great grandchild. And I am so afraid that she is not going to be with us that much longer. It hurts.

I really think about it a lot. It used to be just getting married. Every time we would go visit my grandmother and I would see how frail she was getting I would want to rush off and get married just so that she would still be there for our wedding. When we did finally get married she couldn’t be there of course. She wouldn’t have been able to attend even if we had had the wedding in Portland because the three hour drive would have been too far for her to travel. She might have been able to attend if we had been married in Seattle.. but it wouldn’t have been definite and most of M.s family wouldn’t have been able to make it down there.

I was able to accept her not being there just because she is still here. I wish I could have had her at my wedding, but it is okay because she was there to call and I will be able to show her my wedding pictures whenever I am finally able to make it home for a visit (that is, if the formals ever arrive).

So now I am married and thinking about the next stage of my life and wanting her there for it. Every time I talk to her on the phone and hear how easily she gets out of breath. Every time I just think of her and can’t help but think of her failing health. I feel like it’s something we have to do.. to make sure that she is there to see the wonder we bring into the world when we do it.. but we can’t right now. We really can’t. It’s not the right time yet. I just can’t bear to think that she might not be there when it is the right time.

In another dream, a happier dream, we had a hottub in back of our apartment. That was cool.

Kinda feel like crying. Don’t know why.

Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m always tired.

Going to bed now.

This was the second place result for the quiz directly below. It fits me a lot better than the first place one did.

So yeah, what does this say about me, anyway? No matter how hard you try to tell people that something is wrong, you need a little help, and a little comfort, no one is listening. You’re a little too aware of whats going on, and you know you don’t like it. But there isn’t a goddamn thing you can do about it, and that is what really kills you. You have a huge heart, which makes you push your problems to the side to help everyone else out. This makes your own health suffer, since no one can see that there is something bothering you, even when you’re telling them.

You’re always looking for that moment to escape your depressive mantra, and you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life. Try finding some comfort in people that are already there in your life; they care more than you think. It’ll do you a world of good.