Well the living room is still a mess and I haven’t even started laundry, but I did make an actual real dinner tonight instead of frozen pasta.

I started to clean the living room, but M. interupted me to play Monopoly. I beat him so badly… he really isn’t very good at the game.

My emails still down. I’m starting to go into withdrawl. I need my email fix.

I haven’t been able to get into my email all day, and I am really not happy about it. I want my email!

Speaking of email, I really need to get around to taking my email address off this site and setting up form mails and stuff so as to avoid spam. I have gotten pretty good about using my yahoo eddress other places on the web rather than my domain one, but I never seem to remember to take it off here when I have the time. Perhaps I’ll do it today, but I should go down and clean the living room first.

I also need to finish skinning the site. It’s almost done.. I just got tired of working on it and left off before I got everything together.

My kitchen is clean! Well, pretty clean. My stencils and some other junk are still on the table.

It’s nice having a clean kitchen and actually being able to cook without having to wash the pots and pans I want to use first or clear off the counters so I have room. I’m going to start doing dishes after every meal so they don’t pile up again - I really mean it this time. Really.

I’ve been going to bed pretty early lately, like eight or nine, and getting up at four in the morning. I like being up early. It’s so nice to be up at dawn. We’ll have to see how long it lasts though - I’m usually not in bed by four in the morning these days, so the past few days have been something of an anomally.

I really need to add the spell check function to the greylog script. I depend on spell check.

Let’s see. Kitchen’s clean, bread is baking (or rather ingredients are in the breadmaker - I just put it in so it won’t start baking for a few hours). I really should do laundry and clean the living room.. not to mention to the office. It’s scary in here.

I bought some more canvas yesterday because it was fifty percent off so more bags will be completed shortly. I’m building up a collection to use as gifts in the future. I need to send a couple more to my brother, but those are the last of the promised ones. I already have more bags than I have places to send them, and I will have four more done from the new canvas shortly.

I just turned in a resume for the perfect job. I hope I get it I hope I get it I hope I get it I hope I.. I’ll stop now, but I really, really, really, really hope that I get it.

The pay kind of sucks, but the job iteslf is perfect for me.

I re-did my resume for this job then wrote the cover letter. I looked over both, printed them, looked over them again, then put them in the envelope. At the last minute I succumbed to paranoia and pulled them out again just to make sure that I had put the correct papers in the envelope. By chance I happened to notice that I had spelled the contact person’s name one way in the haeder section and another way in the salutation. Sheez.. I need to be more careful. I fixed the mistake and stuffed it back in the envelope and away it went. I hope that I didn’t mess anything else up. I hope that I get the job.

I forgot to post my postives yesterday.. here they are.

• New kitty Juliet is a definite positive. She is so cute!
• Juliet deserves a second positive for getting along a little better with the other cats. She now lets even Lacey get pretty close to her without hissing.
• I found a really neat job! I’m tailoring my resume for it right now. Now if I can just get it..
• I think I have lost a couple of pounds. Being sick is good for some things. I had no appetite the entire time I was sick.
• I went to the gym last night for the first time since I got sick a few weeks ago. Good workout.
• Did I mention Juliet? She’s cute enough to deserve a third..
• There’s nothing wrong with the Fuzzy one. I’m glad to know that even if it did cost us forty dollars to find out that his lumps were just fat rather than a rupture or cancer as we had feared.
• Lacey and Willow deserve mention just for being such cute cats. Juliet and Fuzzy can’t get all the attention.
• I’m almost done skinning this site. It’s ben fun.
• I’m learning more Perl. Also fun.
• The season finale of Buffy was really good.

That’s it for now. Back to working on my resume.

I’ve been playing with Rob’s Amazing Poem Generator. It’s pretty neat. I put in the URL for this entry and got the following poem as a result. There are some pretty neat phrases/lines in it.

A prison for

the spirit

and have thought about

the story where

they are

in this helps at

certain beauty in absolute

awe. I love that

Sometimes If I

have thought about children. be

well, or at least it

to remind myself I kept

nudging him and I could was in making babies

and left so many stories .

I want to everyone

does,

help a

cold

has been reading

Ursula Leguin again or Mt. Saint Hellens.

I put in the URL for the index page of this blog and got

Maybe Tomorrow A soap opera, he reacted as well..

no, idea why I can now someone has

been linked to flying because it behind her

hand goes over

into it and

embarassed. I hate looking

like witchcraft

or rather than here. is my

father but no excuse my

dream but not for excuses. Then do it but

aware that something had a new keyboard, so I finished Surfacing.

And from another journal entry…

A few poets and lost

his way to bed

as beautiful poem remains for

the time were more grown man suffers.

The rise of Thirteen. A line

from an untroubled

mind. traveled to rise of

the sun I was a load

of the sunrise always involves suffering.

was watching it

supply

the moon brought to death maybe.

I meant to get the promised entry posted last night.. I really did. But then I knocked over a glass of water and some it ended up in the keyboard…

Today we bought a new keyboard, so here is the promised entry.

I’ve got something to write about! But I think that I will do it as a journal entry rather than here. And it’ll be over two hours before I do the entry… the Buffy season finale is on tonight (I get Buffy on Saturday’s rather than Thursdays) and it is two hours.. it starts in eight minutes.

So. Later tonight expect a journal entry. Possibly two if I finish the one I started a few days ago as well..

(no, I am not pregnant)

I wasn’t going to do this. I still might not. I thought the idea of skinning my site was silly - a lot of work for little gain - but then Jess of Orange Clouds did it and it’s really neat and I just might…

So. Expect to find my site, or at least portions of it, skinnable sometime in the near future. Maybe.

Of course there are plenty of other important things I should be spending time on rather than skinning. Like.. um.. getting my old journal archives online again. I have some two years of archives sitting there that haven’t been linked to since I changed my directory structure *sigh.*

Then there is all the real life stuff I should be spending time on. Dishes. Must do dishes. Find job. Apply to go back to school in the fall. That stuff.

Oh wow. I’m actually remembering to do the Friday Five on a Friday for once.

1. What’s the last vivid dream that you remember having?

I know that I had one last night.. but it’s gone now.

2. Do you have any recurring dreams?

I don’t think so.

3. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

I knew that I was asleep and dreaming.. I felt myself lying in my bed just as I really was, but something was tugging at me. Something was tugging at something inside of me. I got this idea that some spirit or monster was trying to steal my body or pull me from my body. It was terrible. I knew that I had to wake up before it succeeded because while awake my mind would be too firmly joined to my body for it to succeed, but I couldn’t wake up. I finally did wake up and was halfway convinced that it had happened.. that something had been trying to pull me from my body. I was afraid to go back to sleep but finally did. Rational thought returned in the morning.

4. Have you ever written your dreams down or considered it? Why or why not?

Yes. I always mean to write my dreams down because they are interesting to me and I have written a few decent stories from them.. but I hardly ever remember to until it is too late and the dream has been forgotten.

5. Have you ever had a lucid dream? What did you do in it?

I’ve had a lot of lucid dreams, though none recently. I used to have them all the time. Something strange would happen and I would start to wonder if I was dreamig so I would jump. That was my test for dreams instead of pinching myself I jump. If I’m dreaming I hang in the air or fly and so I know I am dreaming.. if I am awake I would come crashing back to the ground, but I have never actually tested to see if I am dreaming when awake.

A lot of the time when I realize that I am dreaming I go from my dream test to flying because flying is fun and its usually the first thing I think of to do. Sometimes I try to actually control the dream by changing things in it. Once I kept looking up and saying to myself that when I looked down my clothes would be blue and then I would try to make it so and look down. If it worked i would change again to red. I was trying to get better control of my mind. Another time I was only half aware that I was dreaming and so I was standing in front of the fridge pulling out food. I wanted to get control of my dream but wasn’t aware enough to actually change the setting.. so I tried to control what food I would pull out next. I would pick a food then reach into the vegetable bin, which I couldn’t see through, and imagine my hand pulling out the chosen food then do it. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

We never have people over. Never. We don’t know anyone in this town to have over.

Since I was sick last week I slacked off on housework bigtime - not that I was that good at it to start with. I’m still a little sick, and so I have yet to catch up. The kitchen is piled ceiling high with dirty dishes. There’s little scraps of paper played with by cats and dropped all over the living room floor. My paints and stuff are all over the kitchen table from stenciling.

The lady next door lets her cats out in her backyard. She puts one on a leash but doesn’t bother with the other one because it is too fat to jump over the fence - or so she thought. Today it jumped over into our yard so she rang our doorbell and walked through our house to get her cat from the backyard.. though by the time she got there it was gone.

Now someone has walked through our house an seen my mess! I’m so ashamed. And embarassed. I hate looking like a complete slob.

I finished Surfacing. I don’t think that I really liked it - but I can’t decide for sure. It had its good points.

Somtimes I copy quotes and interesting passages down as I come across them. Most of the time I don’t. Instead I stick bookmarks in so I will remember where they are. Then later I come back and read the marked pages trying to find what caught my interest. Sometimes the reason for the mark pops out right away, sometimes I have to read the pages two or three times before I remember why I marked it, and sometimes I never find what interested me and so eventually give up and remove the mark.

The narrator talking about her father’s need for isolation:

Her boyfriend has asked her to marry him. She thinks marriage is pointless - they are already living together, it won’t change anything. He says that sometimes he doesn’t think that she gives a shit about him.

I’m vegetarian.. always have been.. into animal rights. I get what said here. And it does seem worse somehow, hunting and fishing instead of buying from the store. One can argue that raising cows and pigs an then killing them is necessary. I don’t think it is, but it is for people who eat that stuff. Hunting is different. It’s not for food - even when they do eat what they kill it is not for food. Killing for food seems wrong to me when we can so easily get what we need to survive other ways, but kiling for fun is infinately worse. Enjoying causing death.. enjoying inflicting pain. I just don’t get it. It’s inhuman.. or maybe it is far too human. I don’t understand.

One of the girls forgot to bring her makeup camping:

I’ve seen relationships like that. They scare me. Why don’t they just end? Why doesn’t she leave? Would I leave?

Dry eyes! Dry eyes! One of these days I might learn not to shower with my contacts in.

I’ve been going through contacts at a rather scary pace lately. Just a few days ago I threw my old ones out and started a new pair. Two days after that I dropped the right one - I could swear it just fell in the sink, but I could never find it. I got a new one out. It hurt - I wore it for an hour then decided the lens was flawed and threw it out.

At least I wear the same prescription in each eye now. For a while I had different ones, and I would always end up with more for one eye than the other because how often do you lose them in pairs? I need to get more soon anyway.

This reminds me of my parents attitude toward religion. They really wanted to protect me from it. I never wanted to go to Sunday School or anything, but they always grew nervous when a friend invited me to some church function or other.

I’ve always known what God was, or rather what people suppose Him to be, at least as long as I can remember. However, as a small child I never really realized how seriously people took Him. I thought he was like witchcraft or the Easter Bunny, something that people talk about as real and pretend is real but no one actually believes.

I still remember my shock when at age ten I was walking home from school with a friend and discovered that she actually believed in God - that he was realy. At first I thought that she was an anomally like the lone child in my third grade class who had still actually believed in Santa Claus, but I soon realized that there were lots of people like her.

I still haven’t quite made the separation between God and witchcraft and ghosts, though I have separated him from the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus. To me God is like ghosts, I don’t believe in him, but I can’t say for sure that he doesn’t exist. As I child I thought that everyone was an athiest and so I was an athiest. Agnostic suits me better now.

I’m reading Margaret Atwood’s Surfacing. It’s been in my posession since shortly after I returned from Portland and the overdue fines are probably piling up. I should take it back, but it feels wrong to return a book I haven’t read.

I chose Surfacing at random from Atwood’s books because I liked The Handmaid’s Tale and thought that I should read something else of hers. The first time I tried I had trouble getting into it and only made it to page four. This time the going is smoother.

She uses quotation marks when people speak in this book. She didn’t, for the most part, in The Handmaid’s Tale. I thought that I would never get used to the lack of them in that book, that it would take away from the writing as I constantly inserted them in my head, but after the first few pages I quit noticing. I wonder why she uses them in this book but not in that? I wonder what the lack of quotation marks means.

I’ve been reading it this morning on the couch downstairs, a purring cat curled up on my stomach, driven from my bed by snoring originating on the other half.

It’s eight in the morning - or will be in one minute - and I have yet to sleep.

Quotes that have caught my attention so far:

That works for a lot of things besides divorce.

I really have no idea why I feel the need to save that one. It just gives me some strange ideas about.. well.. it just gives me some strange ideas.

I never realized that before, but it is true.

I just watched the season finale of The West Wing. Poor CJ! I really liked Donovon - I was hoping that he would stick around for next season.

It was a good episode. I wish that I had taped it so that I could watch it again. A heartbreaker though.

I need to find the music that played while CJ cried. So beautiful.

I didn’t understand what Charlie was talking about when he said the woman got fired for hiring him. I guess I will have to wait until next season to find out what he was talking about, unless there was something in a previous episode that I missed.

A good episode. A good show. There is so much trash on TV these days.. its nice to know that there really are things of quality on it too.

I bought some more stencils at the craft store a few weeks ago, so I can now make canvas grocery bags with decorations other than fruit on them. I finished one canvas bag right before I got sick, and now that I am feeling well enough to sew again (I never want to do anything, no matter how easy, when I am sick) I’ve started painting pockets for two more.

I’ll post pictures later.

M. went out a little bit ago to return a rented DVD and yep, you guessed it, he left the TV on. I don’t know why he can never seem to remember to turn it off when he leaves the house or comes upstairs.

It’s cold out. Cold and cloudy.

I spent a good portion of the afternoon playing with the cats who were all insane and high on catnip. They raced around and pounced and purred. They’re all sleeping now, worn out from all the fun they had.

I need a shower.

Such is my life.

Congratulations Scott and Amy! What a beautiful baby boy.

My darling husband…

I’ve been trying to eat healthy. He knows I’ve been trying to eat healthy. So what does he do? He brings home a dozen doughnuts. Is it any wonder I have gained so much weight since I got married? He always does things like this.